Lost Without You: Renesmee and Jacob
by teamrenesmee88
Summary: When Jacob is forced to leave the country away from Renesmee by her parents, Renesmee feels lost and hopeless, exploring the world of alcohol, illegal activities, and rebellion. But after a close call, Jacob returns to Renesmee in the hospital. Will she be able to accept him back into her life? And will their love survive?
1. The Lowest Point

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The lights were blurring. **Getting darker ****and darker**** and darker ****and darker**.

My head was throbbing. It felt as though someone was pounding my head over and over again. The light hurt too badly. I needed to get out of there. NOW. I looked around. I saw Taylor making out with some jock in the corner. What is his name again? I can't think. Why can't I think? Why can't I focus? I need help.

"Taylor!" I yelled from across the room. My voice sounded foreign to me. My usual high pitched happy voice is almost, dead. There is no emotion in my voice. I don't think she heard me, and if she did, she didn't bother to reply. I crossed the room, rather sloppily, towards my best friend.

"Taylor!" I yelled again, louder this time.

I heard her sigh, and unwillingly break away. She looked pissed off.

"What?" she asked. Her eyes were narrowed, as if she was trying to shoo me away with her body language.

My mind couldn't focus. I wanted to tell her so many things. I wanted to scream at her for letting this happen to me. What had happened to me though? My mind was confused. Now, I couldn't hear anything, not even a sound. My vision is getting fuzzy. Did Taylor just say something? I swear I just saw her lips move, but I heard nothing. I feel weird. I taste vomit on my tongue, but I didn't just puke, did I? Now I'm swaying. I put my hands out, trying to grab anything around me to steady myself, but I just grabbed chunks of air. My body feels heavy. I can't breathe. It's getting harder and harder to see. Until finally... nothing.

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Beep Beep Beep Beep

"Edward, relax." I heard my mother say.

"Don't tell me to relax!" He yelled back.

What? What the hell are my parents doing in my room this early in the morning? They need to leave right now! I went to go pull my pink, floral sheets up and over my head, but instead of finding my usual plush bedding, what I felt was foreign. I felt the fabric of cheap, light sheet. Now that I think about it, this bed is really uncomfortable too. This is defiantly not my bed.

"Shhh. I think she is waking up!" I heard my grandma Esme say." What? Why was Esme in here? I slowly opened my eyes. I blinked really hard to try and bring the blurriness down. By the time my eyes adjusted I noticed the pounding headache I had. I blinked a couple of times and looked up. I saw my parents, Uncle Jasper, Uncle Emmet, Charlisle, and Esme.

"What the hell?" I asked.

"Watch your language?" my father replied.

'Sorry." I replied. I didn't think I had actually said that out loud. By this time I had realized that I was in a hospital, but I just couldn't figure out, why. "Can someone tell me what's going on?"

I heard my father laugh. But it wasn't a loving laugh, or happy laugh, or even funny laugh. It was a sarcastic, obnoxious laugh that made my blood flow. I hated that laugh. "You don't know?" He asked, sarcastically.

"Obviously." I replied, matching his tone.

"Well maybe this will ring a bell. Party? Drinking? Drinking so much that you almost die?" I searched my mind. Trying and trying to remember, but my mind came up blank.

"I remember going to Kelly's for a party." I said.

"Which you lied to us about." My mother added. I had told my mom that I was going over to Claire's house to study for finals. Claire had been a stable alibi for me for a while because my parents thought she was a goody-too-shoes. Little did they know that Claire was at that party, and all the other parties before that one.

"Mom-" I started but was cut off by my father.

"You need to stop this." He said, "You need to stop putting us through this. Do you not care at all about anyone besides yourself?"

"Yup, I'm just too selfish I guess." I sarcastically replied. I was getting angry. My father had no right to talk to me this way, especially after what he did.

"Selfish? You passed that a long time ago. Now, Renesmee, you just don't care about anyone or anything, not even about yourself."

How dare he. "I cared about Jake" I replied. I heard my father gasp a tiny bit, and I was actually kind of happy that for once, I had took the words away from my father. I hadn't talked about Jacob in so long, my parents had probably thought that I forgot about him. It was so hard to talk about Jacob Black. He was my best friend, and so much more. Everything I did was _for_ him. We were inseperible for as long as I can remember, and my father took him away from me.

About a year ago, my father had decided that I needed to find my own way in life, without Jake. He wanted me to find my life and exactly what I wanted without Jake in the picture. And when my father said "without Jake" he literally meant that. No texting Jake, calling Jake, seeing Jake, thinking about Jake (literally). Nothing. All ties were cut from him. The worst part is that I had no idea until I came home from my friend Lizzie's house after a movie, and he was gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Believe me though, it was not Jakes choice, at least that's what my aunts told me when they tried to get me to stop crying the days following Jake's departure. I know that they were trying to make me feel better, but them saying that my father forced Jacob to leave town, no, leave the _country_, was worse. I not only lost my best friend, but I lost my father too, because I could never love him, or trust him again.

My mother though, that hurt the worst of all. My mom and I had always been close. We were the type of mother-daughter duo that were together all the time; the type that wanted their mom to go shopping with her and her friends. All of that changed after Jake left. My mother sat by and let my father force Jacob to leave, and she said nothing. She had so many opportunities to say something, _anything_ to me. But she still said nothing. I hate her the most.

The worst part is that she took Jake away from me when I needed him the most. My best girlfriend, since I was two years old, Macee, died in a car crash two weeks after Jacob left. Macee had been both Claire and I's best friend. It was always the three of us, "the triple threat" as most knew us as. After the crash, however, me and Claire's relationship turned into nothing but a business deal. She covered for me when I wanted to do something stupid and reckless to deal with the pain, while I covered for her when she went out and did something stupid and reckless to deal with the pain. I wasn't even aloud to have time to heal. My parents never spoke of Macee's death, besides the day that it happened. I was the strong one, the one that put together the memorial service and spoke at the funeral and sorted & separated all of her belongings. When my father took Jake away, though, he ruined any chances of me ever being ok again. Taking Jake away from me was like having my heart ripped out of my chest. I know that I am never going to heal.

"So that's what this is about." My father stated. The sound of my fathers voice startled me, for I had been so lost in thought, reliving the most horrible days of my life, that I had almost forgot that he was there. Almost.

"Can you just stop?" I stated, rather than asked, "You call me selfish, but you're the most selfish person I have ever met. I don't want to know you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't even want to see you. Just LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled at him, grabbing my pillow and throwing it at him, only to be caught by his nonhuman vampire speed. One of these days, I thought; if I could just tell him everything. All the hurt, the pain, the sadness, betrayal, let it all out. But, no, I couldn't do that. My father and I walked a thin line. It was almost like a game of "hurt and be hurt". Someone was always getting hurt. Unfortunately, my father had a way of hurting me very _very_ badly, and he had done it. In all honesty, I believe that my father liked having the element of control over me, when it came to Jake. He wanted me to know that he was in charge and that was never going to change, and getting rid of Jake proved that. I will NEVER forgive him, that is a promise.

"Why don't we all just relax for a second." My mother said, gently releasing my father's rather tight grip on the pillow he still had in his hand. "I think we should ju-"

"Where is Rosalie?" I asked, cutting her off. For a second my mother looked genuinly hurt, and I felt a pinge of regret, but just as soon as I had seen it, she had washed it away. Ever since my parents had betrayed my trust, Rosalie had kind of stepped up as a mother for me. When my parents weren't there, she was there. Rosalie was the one with me at 3AM wiping away my tears as I cried myself to sleep. Rosalie was the one that was always there for me, no matter what. Rosalie told me the truth, about everything, even when my father told her not to. I could never repay her for everything that she has done for me, but that's the amazing thing about Rosalie; she didn't ask for anything in return. If I could be like anyone, it would be her.

My mothers voice startled me, "Alice and Rosalie went to go get you something to eat for when you woke up." My mother stated rather coldly. "Sorry to bother you." She said, sarcastically. When I didn't respond, she sighed and grabbed my father's hand, pulling him with an exorbitant amount of force before I saw him finally give in and go with her. And that's how it always was, is, and will be with my parents. They always give up on me.

I shook off the self pity I was feeling and for the first time looked around the room. Esme, Charlisle, Jasper, and Emett weren't in the room anymore, which is weird, considering that I never saw them leave. Well, I guess that is to be expected when you have a family full of vampires. The room I was in had all white walls, and was a fairly large size. Figures, my parents moved me into the top hospital room because a Cullen couldn't be caught dead in anything less than the best. There was a bed, T.V. across the wall, a table, some chairs, and some medical equipment filling the room. There was nothing personal about the room. Nothing that said, "Renesmee Cullen is here." No ballons saying get well soon, or cards with cheesy poems helping you to feel better. Nothing. Sitting in this baren hospital room, with nothing but my hospital wrist ID band, to identify me, I truly felt alone.

Just then I heard a crash outside my door.I .. then another... followed by another.

"STOP!" someone, maybe my mother, said, obviously trying to control the volume of her voice.

"You can't go in there!" I heard my father yell, not worrying at all about how noisy or disruptive he may be.

What the hell is going on out there, I thought. Just before I was about to go outside my room and check it out for myself I heard it, or rather, _him._ I had heard that voice before, so many times. I remember every conversation I have had with that voice talking about anything and everything because nothing was off limits. I remember dreaming about that voice. I remember missing that voice. I remember _everything_ about that voice.

Suddenly the door violently swung open, revealing three people, but only one person did I really see. He was standing so close to me, I could have touched him with a few more steps. He looked the same, only a little less put together. From his perfect torso, to his beautiful abs, and his face, he was still the same. Oh, his beautiful face, I had seen that face so many times before. I had seen that face happy, sad, angry, surprised, as well as so many other expressions. His face now showed worry. If he had been near me I would have put my fingers up to his perfect mouth, and lifted it up, into a smile, for that is what I always did when he was sad. He wasn't next to me, though, he was far away. He was too far away. I needed to close that distance, because I knew that when his strong arms were around me, I would finally feel safe again. But before I had the chance to close the gap between us, he spoke. To hear him speak once more, was no less beautiful than the time before. To _see_ him speak was even better.

"Nessie" he said. I smiled, not only because he was the only one that called me Nessie, and how I missed that nickname, but because he was finally here. I was finally able to see my best friend again, to see my everything. In that moment, I was overwhelmed by everything I wanted to say to him, everything that I needed to tell him, everything that he missed. But all words escaped me in that moment, and I just looked at him, taking in this moment.

"Hi Jake."


	2. Beginning to Breathe Again

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"Hi Jake." The words just stuck in the air like ice on a cold day. It was weird, after all this time imagining what I would do when I saw him again, I just sat there. I was afraid that this all was some sort of dream and I would wake up to my father shaking me awake and telling me to control my thoughts. I closed my eyes for a second trying to make sure I was awake. Nothing. One thing was for sure: I was awake and Jacob Black was standing right in front of me.

I was thrown from my thoughts when Jake took a cautious step closer, than another, as if his footsteps might scare me away. What was he so cautious about? The look on his face was so unrecognizable. He looked unsure, like he didn't know what to do. Whenever Jake and I had been together it was never like that. I could tell him anything and he would listen; hell, I could tell him in complete detail about my menstrual cycle and he'd listen, trying his best not to blush. But now, he looked just as confused and shocked as me. I opened my mouth, finally finding the courage to say something, but no words came out. Oh no, I hadn't had time to even notice my hangover yet, and just how nauseous I was feeling. Not now, not now I told myself, but I couldn't stop it. I frantically searched for a trashcan or anything that could help me. Thank god there was a trash can right next to my bed beneath the side table. I grabbed it as quickly as possible and started to puke... Welcome home Jake.

Jake moved quickly, like he knew that this was going to happen from the beginning. Unlike before, he was swift with no form of hesitation. He came right next to me and took the trashcan out of my hand, holding it out for me to puke in. Jake held my hair back and began to rub my back in slow circles. Even while puking, I couldn't deny the fact that being this close to Jake felt weird. Not weird in a bad way, just different than before. Now, it seemed that I had even more of a pull to him than I did before, and there was no doubt in my mind that I was physically attracted to him. Just the feeling of his hand on my back was enough to drive me crazy. In fact, if I wasn't busy puking my guts out, I probably would have either started crying, went into a coma-like state, or passed out. I couldn't help it; he is just so hot...

When I finally finished throwing up, Jacob reached into his pocket and pulled out two pieces of gum, handing them to me. I smiled in appreciation. Jake put the gum away then gently grabbed my hand and placed it in my lap, dropping it with a chuckle. Oh how I love that chuckle. But wait, why did he do that? I was extremely confused for a second, I mean the only reason he would ever move my hand away from his is if, oh god. Oh god please no. Was my hand on his the entire time? Did I just tell Jake everything that I had thought? Crap, he was going to be completely scared away now.

"Nah, it takes a lot to scare me off." He said. Shit! My hand had drifted to his thigh. Why couldn't I just keep my hands to myself? He laughed that husky laugh that I loved so much and I couldn't help but join in, enjoying the feeling of laughing with my best friend, something I hadn't done in a very long time. We laughed and laughed and laughed. The funny thing was that what happened wasn't even that funny, I think we were just trying to make up for all the missed giggles over two years. We heard a knock on the door while we were still in mid-laugh.

"Hello, Renesmee. Your parents informed me that you were throwing up a while ago. I came to check how you are feeling." My doctor, Dr. Channing told me. Dr. Channing is new to the hospital and a longtime friend of Carlisle. He is also a vegetarian vampire and moved here with his wife and son about a month ago. It's good I guess because in situations where I have to go to the hospital I can't just have any random guy because I am half vampire and half human. Plus, it helps to have someone else besides Carlisle as my doctor because some situations would just be awkward.

"I'm great. Good as new." I replied cheerfully. In all honesty though, I wasn't feeling too hot, I just wanted him to leave the room so that I would have some alone time with Jake.

"Really?" He asked, looking at me skeptically before he continued, "Because in your charts it shows that your Blood Alcohol Poisoning was three times over the legal limit, which is very dangerous." I discretely looked over at Jake, suddenly feeling a self conscious and embarrassed about everything that happened last night, to see what his reaction would be. He didn't look mad or angry, to my surprise; he actually looked sad and somewhat guilty.

"I'm part vamp remember doc?" I asked jokingly, trying to lighten the mood, "I'm pretty sure the alcohol doesn't affect me the same as normal humans."

"Well you are right about that Renesmee, but it still shows up in your toxicology report and if it was anyone but me, you would be in serious trouble. Also, there were traces of Rohypnol in your blood, a common date-rape drug." Dr. Channing stated. He said this so casually. Like, "Hey Renesmee, you might have gotten raped last night, just letting you know, no biggie." Jake on the other hand had a different reaction...

"What!" Jake yelled. He then turned to me and started bombarding me with questions, "What happened?" "Are you ok?" "Did someone hurt you?" "Who did this to you?"

"Wow, calm down Jake!" I said soothingly, putting my hand on his cheek in an attempt to calm him down. "Nothing happened last night, at least, I don't think anything happened." I said this as I looked up at my doctor, hoping for some reassurance.

"Last night when we found Rohypnol in your blood we immediately did a rape kit on you to be sure you were not injured. Fortunately for you there was no vaginal scarring or ripping and no sign of sexual assault. You are very lucky Renesmee." Dr. Channing said. Ok, that made me feel a little bit uncomfortable, talking about scarring and ripping my vagina with my forty year old male doctor and Jake sitting right next to me.

"Ugh, thanks I guess." I said to the doctor unsure of what to say to that.

Dr. Channing nodded before continuing, "I would like to keep you overnight just to be safe, since there are still traces of alcohol and Rohypnol in your system."

"Sounds fine to me doc." I said, trying to act as normal as possible, even though I was probably blushing bullets a second ago. Jake chuckled next to me. I looked over at him. Shit! My hand was still on his face from when I was comforting him earlier.

"I need to stop doing that." I said to him, removing my hand and blushing even more than I was before.

"No worries, I can't seem to keep my hands off you either." Jake said gesturing to his hand resting on my thigh I hadn't even noticed was there. If I was blushing before, now I probably resembled a tomato.

"One more thing." Dr. Channing stated popping back into the room and closing the door behind him. I sighed a sigh of relief because I now had an excuse to turn and look away from Jake before I embarrassed myself too much. "Usually there are formal investigations for these kinds of things. But, I figured, since your situation is rather _unique_ you would want to keep this on the down low?" Which was basically his way of saying that I had to keep my mouth shut because my family consisted of vampires and having the police around 24-7 wasn't the best idea.

"Got it." I replied.

"Good." He said before exiting the room one final time.

"Do you know who did it?" Jake asked me.

"Cornel Mustard in the kitchen with the wrench." I stated. He laughed and gently shoved me with his hand.

"Hey!" I said, picking up the pillow that was propped up behind my back and throwing it at him, knowing he would use his werewolf reflexes and catch it before it got anywhere near him.

"Oh so it's gunnah be like that?" he playfully mocked me. I laughed and kept scooting farther and farther away as he came closer. "Oh really?" He asked, grabbing hold of my waist and pushing me down so that I'm lying flat on my back. I squealed and tried to get away but I was no match for his wolf strength "Apologize." He demanded, trapping me under him.

"Never!" I yelled back at him.

"Well, your not getting out unless you apologize so..." he stated.

"Oh really?" I asked. He cocked one eyebrow, challenging me. I laughed, and then suddenly got very serious. I looked straight into his eyes, oh his beautiful, beautiful eyes, and began to lean in. Closer, and closer, and closer, and closer. He began to slowly move in too, like a magnet being drawn together. Then, right before our lips were about to meet, I grabbed his left arm and wrapped my leg around his left leg and flipped him over so now he was the one on his back and I was on top.

"Ha ha!" I mocked him, sitting up.

"No fair!" He yelled, "That was dirty!"

"To be a winner you've gotta do whatever it takes Jacob, but you wouldn't know..." I said jokingly.

He shook his head and let out a breath, not able to contain his smile. "I swear Renesmee Cullen, if you weren't in a hospital bed right now, you'd be on the ground."

"Whatever." I said, letting the smile I was trying to hold in erupt on my face. Actually, now that I thought about it, the thought of Jacob wrestling me to the ground didn't seem like that bad of an idea. Nope, not bad at all.

"So," he started, "Little Nessie is a drinker. Who would've thought?"

"Medically proclaimed alcoholic." I said. He chucked, pulling himself up so he was now leaning against the bedpost next to me. I shivered, not because I was cold, but because of everything about him sitting right next to me: his warmth, his smell, the feeling of his arm touching my arm right next to me. I could go on forever.

"Are you cold?" He asked me.

"A little." I lied, a little bit because I didn't know what other explanation I could give him for me shivering without making a fool out of myself, and a whole lot because I just wanted to snuggle with Jake. He draped his arm over my shoulders and pulled me onto him. I rested my head on his chest and buried my face into his sweet scent. It felt different now, in a good way. When Jacob left I was 14 and when he would hug me to get warm, it was like your older brother hugging his freezing little sister. Now, I'm 16 and it felt more like a couple lying together. Not that Jacob and me were a couple, are we? Honestly, I don't know what we are. I know that he imprinted on me, so were technically soul mates, but that doesn't mean per say that we are together-together.

"Tired?" He asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Nope." I lied.

"Yeah ok." He said sarcastically, taking the blanket from the chair next to him and draping it over-top of me.

"Thank you." I said, even though I'd rather just him get closer to keep me warm, then there wouldn't even be a need for a blanket. I wonder what he would do if I said that my lips were feeling rather chilly... Ok, I seriously need to control my thoughts. Where was my father? I'm sure that if he were anywhere near a 10 mile radius of me and heard that thought he would come sprinting. Come to think of it, where was any of my family? I had a feeling that Rosalie, even though she would insult Jacob every chance she had, convinced them to leave for a little while and give us some privacy. I'd have to thank her for that later.

I could feel myself drifting off into sleep, I tried to fight it but I just couldn't. I was seriously so drained. I had gotten barely any sleep last night because lets face it; these hospital beds are pretty damn uncomfortable. My breathing began to slow and Jake must have noticed because he reached behind him and turned the light switch from on to off, enclosing us in a room of darkness.

"Goodnight Jake" I whispered, already half asleep.

"Goodnight sweetheart." Jake replied. If it had been anyone else, I would have slapped them for calling me their 'sweetheart' but it was Jake and it just sounded kinda cute when he said it. Who am I kidding, I love when he calls me names like sweetheart, babe, hun, and honestly, I have really missed it. I have really missed him. At that moment, I was happy that the lights were off so Jacob couldn't see me blush. My family told me that I got that trait from my mother. Thanks mom.

It's kind of weird how Jake can be away for over two years, and we can act just like we did before he left. But that's how it always was with Jacob; it was natural, as easy as breathing. Just as I thought this he began to run his hand up and down my arm, soothingly. I let the feel of his hand carry me farther and farther into sleep, because with Jake, I know that I would always be safe.


	3. The Truth

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I woke up to the sound of Jake talking on the phone. I could tell that he was trying to be quiet so he didn't wake me, but his quiet voice was still louder than most normal voices. I smiled to myself, my eyes still closed.

"I got to go Seth, I think she's waking up." I heard him say. Had he been watching me sleep? Jacob always used to watch me sleep, so why now did it affect me so much? Hopefully I wasn't blushing, don't bet on it though.

"Yeah I'll tell her. See yah." Jake said. I began to rub my eyes and slowly open them. I saw Jacob grab a chair from the desk across from my bed and bring it over so that he was sitting next to me.

"Hey, did you sleep ok?" He asked. This is such a generic question, so why did it make me want to jump out of bed and start making out with him? Honestly, I think it was just the fact that Jacob was saying it. He could spend an hour lecturing me about global warming and it would be the sexiest conversation I'd ever had (not that he ever would).

"Mhmm." I said with a small smile on my lips. Jacob just did that to me, he always made me smile. He smiled back at me, which made me smile even bigger.

"Ready to get out of here?"

"Yes!" I basically screamed at him. He laughed that laugh I loved so much before continuing.

"The doc said you could leave as soon as all the paperwork is done for your discharge. Your parents already signed everything they needed to before they went home this morning. All they need is your drivers license and we're home free!" He said.

"Ok." I chuckled, "It's in my purse, wherever that is." I said, scanning the room as I spoke. Jake looked as well and stopped his gaze on a chair near the back of the room facing the window. He got up and went to the chair.

"Is this it?" He asked, holding up a pink Vera Bradley hipster bag.

"Yup!" I replied, "Could you just get it out? It's in my wallet." He nodded in response. He opened my purse and began digging through until he stopped on something, obviously taken aback, staring. His gaze went unmoving for what felt like minutes. Oh, no, what if there was something embarrassing in there: a tampon, a note, who knows!

"What?" I asked cautiously. He hesitated before pulling out a picture, I couldn't tell of what though, since he was on the other side of the room. It wasn't until he got a little bit closer and turned the picture around so that the back was facing me that I knew what it was. The words "I'm sorry" in black sharpie ink gave it away immediately.

"Where did you get that?" I asked. That picture had been in the pocket of my purse folded over and hidden away so that no one would find it. How had Jake found it?

"It was at the bottom of your purse." Jake replied, "Nessie, why does it say 'I'm sorry' on the back of this picture?" As he said this he turned the picture around so that it was facing me. I was immediately taken aback. I hadn't seen Macee in so long. Even in a photograph it felt as though she was real, standing right next to me, back from the dead. The photo was originally of Macee, Claire, and I, but I cut it so that it was only Macee. Out of all of our pictures, this was my favorite. It was simple, no makeup, no fancy clothing, nothing. We were all sitting on the couch, watching License to Wed with Mandy Moore, aka: Macee's favorite actress. She convinced Claire and I to watch the movie with her and it turned out to be the funniest movie we had ever seen. My mom had snapped the photo of us during a funny part of the movie. In the picture we were all in mid-laugh. Macee looked so happy. Little did she know that soon she was going to be dead, plastered on the side of the road like some kind of animal. I hadn't looked at that photo in years, for some reason, though I just needed some part of her with me. Something to signify that she was alive once, because sometimes it felt like she was never even here.

"Renesmee-" he started but I cut him off.

"I don't want to talk about it, ok?" I know I sounded sharp, but I really didn't have the energy in me to confess all the guilt I felt for killing my best friend. Yes, I killed her.

"Why does it say I'm sorry?" Jake asked again, "She was killed in a car accident Nessie, it was nobody's fault."

"Your wrong." I said. Jake looked at me with a confused expression before continuing.

"Renesmee, it was an _accident_." He said, with increased emphasis on the word 'accident'. "No one could have controlled what happened that night." He was wrong, and only Claire and I knew that. That night wasn't an accident. If we hadn't convinced her to do what she did, she would still be alive right now. One thing is for certain, I am a murderer.

"Jacob can you please just stop." I begged him, tears beginning to well up at the corners of my eyes. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

"Why can't you tell me Ness?"

"Oh I don't know maybe because I haven't seen or spoken to you in over two years. So I'm sorry if I don't feel like coming clean to you about my deepest darkest secrets right now." I stated, angrier than before. He looked hurt by what I had said. I felt a pang of guilt hit me because it never satisfied me to hurt Jake, and I hadn't even wanted to hurt his feelings in the first place. All I wanted was for him to back off about this.

"What deep dark secret, Ness?" he asked quietly, not looking me directly in the eye.

"Can you please just leave me alone?" I asked, starting to cry. Jake looked up at me and moved his hand to my arm in an attempt to console me.

"No!" I yelled at him, pulling my arm away. He looked like I had just killed his puppy. "You can't just come in here out of nowhere and make me feel bad about not telling you stupid shit that has nothing to do with you." I said trying to control the stream of tears flowing from my eyes down my face.

"Nessie I understand-" he started but I cut him off.

"You understand? You don't know anything! You know nothing! No one understands how I feel, and you will NEVER understand me. You understand me? No. You don't even know me!" I was full on screaming now. I was so upset. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. It wasn't even the fact that Jake was asking me. It was all the feelings that I have pushed deep down inside of me because no one bothered enough to ask me how I felt about my best friend dying. And now, when someone _finally_ cares enough I am pushing them away too. It's like I have something in my brain saying "oh no, your about to be happy, gotta mess it up." I looked at him, he looked almost... angry.

"Actually I do know who you are Renesmee. Apparently you are the kind of girl that drinks until she almost dies and doesn't even care because she doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself." He says, "What do you want? Tell me, because I'm trying to talk to you. I am trying to show you that I care, but you are pushing me away and-"

"I want you to go." I said, calmer than I was a second ago. I needed him to leave. I couldn't tell him about what really happened and if he stayed any longer I probably would. He just sat there looking at the ground, not showing any signs of him leaving anytime soon. "Just Leave!" I screamed as loud as I possibly could. With that he pushed out his chair and began taking long strides quickly towards the door. Oh my god, what had I just done. He was never going to talk to me again. Was loosing Jake worth keeping this secret?

"Wait!" I spit out quickly, having a moment of sanity in my craziness. "When I say leave, I mean... I mean not really... leave but... stay... no leave but don't leave Forks... don't... don't leave me-" on the last few words I broke. I couldn't even finish what I was trying to tell him. I started sobbing those big, loud, ugly cries. I was hurting so bad; I just had to let it out before I exploded. Instead of leaving like I'd demanded he do, Jake turned towards me. He then slowly but surely came to me, wrapping his arms around me, cradling me in his strong embrace. I cried into his chest, probably ruining his shirt in the process. I cried for every time I wanted to cry but held it together. I cried for Macee, I cried for Claire, and I cried for me: the one who killed her. I replayed what happened in my mind. I replayed how I killed her...

* * *

"Nessie!" I heard someone scream, probably Macee, always the downer. I didn't answer.

"Maybe if we're quiet she will go away." I said to the guy I was standing with. His name was Brian and he was on the lacrosse team. Claire and Macee didn't think that he was that hot but he had shown an interest in me so I decided to go with it. Brian laughed at my bad joke, not because he thought it was funny, but because he was totally drunk right now. I wasn't drunk at all. Actually, I was quite sober. I had surpassed the gin and whatever-the-hell-else shots and was still working on finishing my first beer, which I still had from when I first arrived.

"Renesmee." Macee said again, grabbing my arm this time when she said my name. I looked over at her. She looked annoyed and a little bored.

"What?" I asked her showing my annoyance clearly on my face.

"We have to leave in 10." She said, blowing a bubble with her gum.

"Gotcha sister!" I said. She rolled her eyes at me. "Lighten up!" I mocked her, "Hi, I'm Macee and I like having no fun in life!" I laughed at my own joke. She on the other hand didn't think it was all that funny.

"Nessie, I CAN NOT be out past curfew again or my parents said I would be grounded." She said.

"Oh wow, you'd get grounded. What's the big whoop?" I asked, confused. Macee had been grounded a million times before and yeah, it sucked, but it wasn't as big of a deal like she was making it seem.

"Nessie, Sweetie," she started in a voice suitable for a two year old, "Today was the last day of school correct?"

"Correct." I replied matching her kindergarten teacher voice.

"And what happens tomorrow?"

"The first day of summer?" I answered and asked at the same time.

"And what happens on the first day of summer for Claire, Renesmee, and Macee?" Macee asked referring to herself in third person point of view.

"Florida!" I screamed at her, not even trying to contain my excitement. Claire, Macee and I had, had Florida planned since the first day of the school as a girl's trip, and we have had a countdown since the second day.

"Yes, and grounded Macee means no Florida." She said.

"Oh! I hear yah! Don't worry, we have plenty of time."

"Actually we have 8 minutes." She said, pulling her cell phone out to be sure. I waved her off with an annoyed look before turning back to Brian. He was examining his cup like some tiny alien-like creature was in there. I rolled my eyes. It was annoying dealing with drunk people.

Well, time flies when your having fun. The next thing I knew I had jumped into the pool full of cheering high school boys in my bra and thong, became the champion of chicken in the pool, and was the winner in Just Dance (probably not because I was the best but because everyone was too drunk to react fast enough). And I had accomplished this all in... an hour. Oh no. I ran around the house searching for Claire. It took me a couple of minutes before I finally found her. She looked as relieved as I did.

"Oh, god Renesmee, I've been trying to find you!" She said.

"Same here." I said.

"What?" she asked, not able to hear me because of the pounding music. I waved it off.

"Where is Macee?" I asked.

"She left!" she yelled.

"What?" I asked completely shocked, "I mean, I know she had a curfew and all but I can't believe she would have just ditched us."

"Yeah, she left me a voicemail. She said that she looked all over for us but had to leave so that she got back in time. She said that we would thank her later for it, when we were in Florida." She said that last part with a smile, and I smiled too.

"Well yeah but, how are we going to get home?" I asked her.

"Maybe someone can give us a ride. Preferably a hottie..."

"Claire, does anyone here look sober enough to drive us home?" I asked her. It was around 12:30 and most of the people had gone home. Now the room was filled with the drunkest of the drunk that had completely forgotten about their curfew. I had told my parents that I was sleeping over Claire's house and Claire had told her parents that she was sleeping over mine because her parents are out of town. Thank god our parents aren't as strict as Macee's and demanded they talk to our parents to make sure we were where we said we were. We all decided that in the end it wasn't worth risking the wrath of Macee's overprotective parents, and that she would stay at her own house tonight, not before dropping us off at Claire's though of course.

"Your right." She said, "Let's call Macee she could probably sneak out and pick us up."

"Good idea." I replied. I normally would have just called Jake or Claire would have called Quil, but they were busy with their wolf shit because it was their time for lookout, from 12pm-3am, so they didn't have their phones on them.

"Macee!" Claire yelled on the phone, "Yeah, we're fine. Yeah, we're still here. Well that's what I'm calling about. Please, come on Mace! We love you... Please! Ok, thanks girl!" She hung up the phone and put it back in her pocket. "She said ten minutes!"

I shook my head. "You know, your power of persuasion really does scare me." I said laughing.

"What can I say? It's a gift." She replied laughing as well.

By the time Macee got here about 20 minutes had passed.

"Did you make us wait that long just to torture us?" I asked, gliding into the front seat of the car, while Claire hopped in the back.

"Shut it! You should be happy that I came to get you two idiots!" she said, "Do you know how much trouble I'll be in if I get caught? Say goodbye to Florida ladies..."

"Yeah, yeah I'll buy you a thank you card." Claire chimed in from the back. We all started laughing, even Macee. That was the thing; we could never stay mad at each other for more than like five minutes.

"If you're a sexy bitch and you're ready for summer vaca in Florida say holla!" I yelled, louder than I needed to since I was in a car with only two other people and no music on.

"Holla!" we all screamed as loud as we possibly could. We then broke off into a fit of laughter.

"Turn some jams on in here!" Claire said, controlling herself enough to speak.

"Alright, DJ Nessie is on it!" I replied. Claire chuckled at this and Macee shook her head, not being able to help the smile that formed on her lips. Taylor Swift's 'Our Song' burst through the radio and I turned it on full volume so we could sing as loud as we wanted and still wouldn't be able to be heard. Macee stopped at a red light. After sitting there for what seemed like forever I turned down the music enough to yell, "Just go through! It's obviously broken!"

"Yeah and get us killed in the process?" Macee yelled back.

"Do it! Do it!" Claire started cheering in the background and I joined in. "Do it! Do it! Do it!" We were both screaming. Macee shook her head at us and laughed. While she was in mid laugh I took my right hand in the form of a fist, leaned over and pounded on her thigh as hard as I could while I screamed "DO IT!" at the top of my lungs, causing her foot to press down on the accelerator and send us shooting forward into the intersection. Claire and I both began laughing our heads off. Macee turned to me looking extremely pissed and shocked.

"What the he-" **bam.** Something hit us from the left side of the car, right where Macee was sitting, causing the front and side windows to break and us to flip over. We were sent crashing and turning. All I can feel is sharp pains all over my body. My eyes were closed from the second of the first hit. I opened my eyes for a moment, just a moment to see us crash to the ground, then... darkness.

* * *

By the time I had relived the memory of Macee's death I had stopped crying too. I lifted my head away from Jacob's chest to look at him, but before I could apologize for freaking out on him my gaze wavered to my hand. My right hand was placed directly on... his chest.


	4. It's Not Perfect, But It's a Start

Hey Everyone! Sorry It's taken me so long to update, I promise I will try to update more frequently! **So I need your help!** There is a new teen girl character that I am going to introduce soon that is going to play a very important role in the story. I have been stressing about the perfect name for her for so long since she plays such a vital role, but I just can't decide on one... So if you guys could leave a review **including a name for the new girl **that would be great! I will end up choosing one of the names that you guys leave in your review and using it in the story... If your name is chosen and you have an account with any stories on it I will **personally advertise for your stories**. However, you don't have to have an account or any stories! If you don't I may still choose you, so don't be shy!Thanks everyone!(: Love yah tons!

* * *

Check out my new story! It's titled Perfect Chemistry! It's about Jacob and his imprintee(: Thanks(:

Here is the link: s/8397114/1/Perfect_Chemistry

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Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. What do I do know? Jake had seen everything and he probably wanted nothing to do with me now. Damn it! How could I have been so stupid?

"I... I don't know what to say." I stated, not looking him directly in the eyes. What was he going to say, "Wow you really have changed; from an innocent little 7 year old to a murderer." Oh god, I should just start apologizing and crying now, maybe then at leas-

"Wanna go get some food?" Jake asked. After this I moved my gaze so that we were eye to eye. He looked like nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

"Sure." I stated, even though I was so confused by what just happened. I felt like I was drunk all over again. He nodded his head once before lifting himself off the hospital bed and going back to my purse. I don't know what he had done with the picture; I was too preoccupied balling my eyes out to take much notice. This time however, he quickly grabbed my wallet and pulled out my driver's license in record time.

"Be ready when I get back?" He asked and stated at the same time. I nodded in response.

"Wait Jake!" I practically yelled, not wanting him to leave yet. I had been so preoccupied I had totally forgot about my family! Where the hell have they been all this time? Jake stopped himself midway through the door and backed up enough so that he could turn to look back at me. "What happened to my family?" I asked, clearly confused. He laughed and I was forced to join in because when he laughed I couldn't help but laugh too, which seemed so strange because one second ago I was full-out crying. Ugh, teenager hormones.

"After much convincing, your mom and I managed to convince the rest of the Adams Family to go home and let me deal with getting you home." I shook my head at the bad reference he made of my family before I realized-

"Wait, my mom?" I asked, now even more confused than I was before.

"Yup, she entrusted you with me and look what a damn great job I did," He said sarcastically, "Not even out the door yet and I already made you cry." I laughed at his bad joke. I can't believe that my _mother_ had done this. She was the last person I would expect to do anything nice for me.

"You know Ness, your family loves you. You may not think so but I know." Jake stated. I didn't reply, because honestly, I didn't know what to say.

By the time Jake and I left the hospital it was just about lunch time. The car ride was different than usual. Jake seemed distant, and I can only imagine why. He stopped the car after we had been driving for 10 minutes or so at what looked to be a little outdoor strip mall. Jake parked then hopped out of the car and ran over to my side to open the door for me.

"Where would you like to eat?" He asked me. I looked around seeing a pizza place, a Chinese restaurant and Subway all in close vicinity to us. What caught my attention, however, was the little ice cream stand in front of all of the restaurants. Jake must have noticed I was staring at it because he laughed and grabbed my hand, leading me over to the ice cream stand.

"What can I get for the cute couple?" the old woman running the stand asked. I then realized that Jake was still holding my hand. Jacob didn't correct her though, and didn't release my hand either.

"Two mint chocolate chips please." Jake ordered. I smiled at him, happy that he had remembered my favorite flavor. We always used to have fights over what was better, mint chocolate chip or chocolate Oreo. My argument was that ice cream shops always sold mint chocolate chip while they rarely sold chocolate Oreo, meaning that the majority of American's liked mint chocolate chip better, making it the better flavor. Jake's argument was simple: Oreo's were America's favorite cookies, therefore chocolate Oreo had to be America's favorite ice cream, making it the better flavor.

The lady handed us our ice cream and Jake paid. "You two enjoy the rest of your date!" the old woman said cheerfully.

"Thanks we will." Jake replied, putting the change he received from her in the tip jar. I really enjoyed pretending Jacob and I we're a couple, maybe he did too? We began to walk while eating our ice cream, and yum was it good! Ice cream is probably not the best thing to have while still semi-nursing a hangover, but what the hell.

"Has anyone ever told you the story about your birth- or rather, Bella's pregnancy?" He asked me. That was such an odd question. No she hadn't, but as far as I was aware that wasn't something parents had discussions with their children about. My parents had sex, ewww; my mom got pregnant and had me.

"I don't believe so." I said wearily.

"Well when you were, ugh, um, _conceived_, your mother was still human," Jake started, (I shuddered at the thought) "and they didn't know that humans could get pregnant with a vampires child."

"So I'm a miracle baby." I said, trying to understand where he was going with this.

"Well not exactly." Jake replied, "The fetus, um, you weren't compatible with your mothers body because she was still human. You were basically starving her."

Was he trying to make me feel more like a murderer because it was working. "Why are you telling me this?" I asked.

"Just listen." He said, "Everyone, including me, wanted your mother to well, dispose of the- you, but your mother wouldn't let anyone near her. Carlisle told her that the odds of her living through the birth were slight, but she would rather risk her own life for you to live, than save herself by killing you." He stopped for a second and looked at me. I was a bowl of mixed emotions, sad, angry, happy, shocked... Why had no one told me this sooner? "So as the pregnancy continued, it was discovered that by her drinking human blood, she grew stronger. But with Bella getting stronger, so did you."

"Wait, wait, wait. My mother wasn't even a vampire, how could she drink blood?" I asked confused.

"She did it for you." Jake replied before continuing with the story, "So you got stronger and began to break Bella's bones, but she still loved you, and she still refused to let anyone touch you. She wouldn't listen to anyone, not your father, not me-"

"So if you were so against my mother having me, why did you split with the pack? I thought they wanted to kill me, that's why you left?" I asked.

"Well, later, they did, before they found out I had imprinted on you. Before though, they wanted to destroy the child- you, before you were even born."

"Wait, they wanted to kill my mom?" I asked, finally putting the pieces together.

"Yes, that is why I left Sam's pack."

"But-" I started.

"Just let me finish." Jake said to me, chuckling. I closed my mouth and waited for him to resume speaking.

"Even though Bella had gotten much stronger, the odds of her living through the birth were still very low. And when the birth came, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and Emmet were out hunting, leaving your father, me, Rosalie, Alice and your mom. The birth happened so quickly and honestly, it is still all a blur to me, but what I remember is that there wasn't enough time for the morphine to spread before they had to get you out."

"So how did they get me out?" I asked a little scared at what the answer was going to be.

"Well, Rosalie cut her stomach open and your father finished by, ugh, biting you out." Good thing I had already finished my ice cream cone along the way, because I was pretty sure that I would have lost my appetite. "She almost didn't make it. It was a really close call and-"

"Why didn't anyone tell me this before? And- and why are you telling me this now?" I cut him off, "I thought, I thought she didn't want me. I mean, that's how she acted.

"That's why I'm telling you Renesmee." Jacob responded, reaching down and grabbing my hand in an attempt to comfort me. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought you should know." He reached over and wiped a stray tear, which was odd because I hadn't even noticed that I was crying.

"I'm not upset." I said, which probably looked very unlikely considering that I was crying, "I'm just... shocked, honestly. Thank you for telling me. He smiled at me and pulled me in closer. I snuggled up against his chest and breathed in his wonderful smell. "It's been such a lovely homecoming, huh?" I asked, smiling at him. He laughed before saying, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Jake and I ended up staying at the strip mall for quite some time. We didn't actually go into any stores, we just walked and talked. I haven't felt so connected, so _whole, _in such a long time, it felt really good.

When Jake pulled into the driveway to my cottage the clock on the dashboard said 4 o'clock. I was honestly so tired and whipped out, all I could think about was sleeping.

"Thank you." I said turning to Jake with a smile on my lips.

"Anytime kid." He said, laughing. I used to get so mad at him for calling me a kid all the time and reply by yelling, "I am not a child!" or something like that. I didn't have the energy to yell back at the moment so I just laughed a long with him before scooting over and wrapping my arms around him. He moved his arms so that they were wrapped around my neck, holding me tightly, while my arms were around his upper body. He rested the top of his head on mine and we just stayed like that for what seemed like forever. I know it's cheesy, but I feel like that hug was a hug for tons of different hugs that we have missed with Jake being gone. Jake was so perfect. When I was with him it felt like we hadn't spent any time apart at all. Like he never left. Neither of us had any intention of letting go, until I yawned and Jake released me from his embrace.

"You should probably get some rest." He said, moving his had up and down my arm a couple of times before placing his hand in his lap.

"Yeah." I said, turning away before he could see the blush that his touch had caused to emerge. "Will you be back tomorrow?" I asked with one foot already out of the door.

"I don't know, I'll see if I can fit it into my busy schedule." He said with fake annoyance in his voice. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah and if my parents don't ground me for the rest of my life." I mumbled before shutting the car door and waving as he drove away. I sighed to myself once he was gone. It was weird how quickly Jake could fix all the shit that had been going on in my life.

I began walking up the driveway rather slowly, with the hospital overnight bag Alice had packed for me in hand. I walked into the cottage, expecting a lecture like usual. But instead of running up to my room and locking the door like I normally did, I followed the sound of the voices of my family until I found them all in the entertainment room. My father and my mom were playing chess in the back of the room, Emmett and Jasper were laughing about something at the table next to my parents, and Carlisle, Rosalie, Esme, and Alice were all watching the pregame of something. I walked past everyone on the couch straight towards my mother until I was standing right in front of her. She looked up from her chess game; obviously knowing I was coming from her vamp senses, only for me to do the last thing that she would have ever expected. I gave my mom a hug. Not a crappy, short little hug that you give your parents to appease them just so that they will get away from you, but a _real_ hug, a hug that I should have been giving my mom every single day.

"I love you mom." I said before releasing her and turning around to walk upstairs to my room. She didn't respond until I was right at the foot of the stairs about to go up.

"I love you too Renesmee. Always have, always will." My mother said to me. I smiled to myself, for the first time in a long time happy with how things were with my mom. Now I just had to fix the other 1,000,000 things that I had messed up in the past year, but that could all wait until tomorrow. Right now, I was going to crawl into bed and sleep. Sleep and then wake up to a new day, a new day with Jacob.

As tired as I was, I couldn't fall asleep knowing that I hadn't gotten my lecture yet. I waited and waited for my parents to come into my room and give me the usual talk that I got whenever I had been caught doing something that I shouldn't have been. They never came, though. At five I finally drifted to sleep, dreaming about how my life was going to be different now that Jacob was back in it.


	5. A Fresh Start, at 7AM

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in so long! With break here, I will update more often promise! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! And read and **review** my other book "Perfect Chemistry" it is also a Jacob and Renesmee love story, just wait and see. s/8397114/1/Perfect-Chemistry I just updated it!

ps: **review review review** love you guys(:

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Beep Beep Beep Beep.

"What the fuck." I said aloud, reaching over and hitting the snooze button on the side table. It was summer, and I hadn't set my alarm.

"Language" I heard someone, most likely my father, say above me. I quickly opened my eyes to see my mother and father standing a couple of feet away from me holding hands.

"What are you doing?" I asked groggily, closing my eyes and pushing my head under my pillow and forcing down on the top so that I was completely submerged.

"Your mother and I wanted to talk to you Renesmee." I heard my father say through my pillow.

"At-" I took my head out from hiding to quickly glance at the clock, "7am?" I asked, showing the annoyance in my voice before placing my head back on the pillow.

"That's what we wanted to talk to you about." I heard my mother say.

"About my premature death due to lack of sleep?" I asked sarcastically. Neither of them said a word, and after what seemed like forever of silence, I realized that they had no intent of leaving, and sat up. I rubbed my eyes and pulled my pillow up from behind me so that I could comfterably sit.

"Ok, speak." I said, through a yawn.

"Your mother and I have come to the conclusion that Forks is not the place for you right now."

"What?" I basically screamed, making my eyes bulge.

"You've gotten in the wrong crown honey." My mother cooed, "And it partly isn't even your fault. We sent you to high school too soon. We didn't prepare you for the temptations. You were doomed to fail."

"Bella don't make excuses for her."

My mother sighed and sat on the bad next to me, setting a stay piece of hair behind my ear. "Honey we just think a fresh start would be good for all of us."

"But mom I can't go." I said, finding my voice again.

"We know you will miss your friends, but I've told you once and I will tell you again they aren't really your friends if the-" My father began, but I didn't let him finish.

"It- it's not that." I said, looking at him now. "I know. I know they don't really care about me. I always knew that." They both looked at me a little shocked and confused.

"But-" I cut my father off again

I only said that to make you mad." I stated. My father shook his head and began rubbing his temples.

"One of these days you are going to kill me Renesmee Carlie Cullen."

My mother ignored my fathers remark and continued talking to me. "So then don't you agree? A fresh start somewhere new?" She practically begged.

"Mom I still can't." I stated, pleading with her myself.

"Honey, Alaska is a wonderful place. There are so many things to do there-"

"Wait. Alaska?" I yelled. My parents both nodded back at me. "Are- are you serious? I thought when you said 'start over' you meant like fancy boarding school a couple of hours away not half way across the country."

"Sweetie the atmosphere is amazing there! Unlike anything here in Forks! And the weather conditions are just perfect for us all!"

"You mean perfect for you." I stated, not asked, to my mother. "You all seem to forget that I'm not a vampire."

"That's enough Renesmee" My father stated. "You know, we thought you were turning a new, brighter corner when Jacob talked to you, but you seem just as selfish as you were a week ago."

"EXACTLY!" I yelled at him. "Because of _Jacob._ I can't move to Alaska because I'll be so far away from Jake."

"Renesmee you did it for a very long time, and you need to figure out yourself as a person alone."

"So you let me see him just to rip him away again." I said to the floor with tears welling in my eyes.

"I'm sure that arrangements can be made so that you don't have to be completely separated from Jacob." My mother said to me, trying to diffuse the situation.

"So your telling me that Jacob would just uplift his entire life, leave his pack, and move to _Alaska_?" I yelled, creating clear emphasis on the word Alaska.

"Ness, we need you out of that school. Anywhere else just to start fresh." My dad said now pleading with me too.

"Any other school. That's fine, that's perfect actually." I said, looking right at me.

"Renesmee I don't know if that's such a good idea." My dad replied to my thoughts before me speaking them aloud.

"Please dad! Please! I rebelled it was great. But it's over! You said any other school, and this is another school." I begged.

"Does anyone care to fill me in on what's going on right now?" My mother asked, still sitting next to me on the bed.

My father sighed, "Renesmee wants to transfer to the Reservation."

"Please, please, please mommy! It's a different school and I have Jacob watching out for me! You could even hire another little nark to keep tabs on me and report back to you with information."

"What-" my father began.

"No need." I said, holding up the piece sign. "I know about your little Charles, or Chuck, or-"

"Charlie." My mom finished for me.

"Bella." My father said, laughing and shaking his head. "Way to blow my cover loving wifey." I began laughing too, and then my mother joined in until we were all laughing at the situation.

My father broke his laugh to speak, "How did you even know about that anyways?"

"I know all Edwardo. Remember that." I said, giving him the 'I'm watching you' signal with my fingers. My father and mom both chuckled.

"So, Res?" I asked hesitantly.

My mother must have lowered her shield, for my father and mother seemed to be having an internal conversation. After what felt like a while my dad sighed. "There are conditions to-"

"Ah! Thank you thank you thank you! I'll be good I promise. Jacob will be able to look out for me, yada yada."

"Renesmee, listen." My mother said.

"From now on you will have a curfew, you will be expected to behave appropriately and uh- well to put it bluntly, no drugs, alcohol or boys." My father said.

"What about cigs?" I said, internally letting my father know that I was joking.

"Ha ha very funny."

"Thank you, thank you!" I said, leaning over and giving my mom a hug, and then jumping out of my bed and basically jumping into my dad's arms, holding onto him like a monkey. "I swear I won't let you down."

"You better not." My father said, putting me down.

"Oh I won't." I said jumping up and down.

"Oh, and for your punishment." My father said, right before I was about to escort them out of my room.

"Eh."

"You have volunteered to babysit for all the parents going on the yhat on the Forth of July! Isn't that exciting!"

"Um, what?" I said feeling as though I was about to faint.

"Oh come on Ness you love kids." My mom piped in.

"But the forth of July is," I quickly looked at the date in the top right hand corner of my alarm clock, "In two days!" I replied.

"You like kids and you're good with them." it will all work out, my mom said patting my leg.

"Yes mother I like little infants and toddlers that I watch one at a time on a quiet Sunday night while we enjoy some time eating and watching the fucking Einstein's. I do not enjoy watching, how many kids?"

"Language." My father said.

"I believe 12, but the Fullers haven't confirmed yet."

"TWELVE KIDS! Are you both insane?" I asked.

"That's what I asked your mother too, because after what happened I wouldn't trust you with a hamster." I looked over and rolled my eyes at my father. My mother suppressed a chuckle.

"You love kids and I know you will take very good care of them."

"Yeah but _twelve_." I bobbed my head up and down and moved my hands everywhere trying to make my point clear.

"Your half vampire, you can handle it." My father said as he gently pulled my mother up and motioned her out of the room.

"That's ok leave. I'll just be here banging my head on the floor."

"Oh and by the way," My mother said, popping her head back in the room, ignoring my remark. I nodded my head, motioning for her to continue. "Your aunt Rose and uncle Emmett are volunteering for some kind of charity thing for these kids. They're making the dinners and serving them to the less fortunate for the forth of July."

"And this involves me how?"

"You're helping to make it."

"Ugh mom! Why me?" I asked slumping to the floor.

"Because frankly you are selfish-"

"Never said I wasn't." I stated, jokingly, butting in.

"And your Aunt Rose asked for you too."

"I'm going to accidentally cut off her hand with a knife while cooking." My mother gave me a stern look. "What? You're all vampires! It can be reattached easily!"

"You are seriously so messed up. How are you my daughter?" My mother said laughing, turning and beginning to walk away.

"Embrace who you are mother! Embrace it!" I yelled back.

"Egh." I said to myself. I walked over to my nightstand and put my hair in a messy bun. Wow, that was actually kind of nice; talking with them like it was old times. "Yes it was." I heard my fathers voice pop into my head.

"MOM!" I screamed.

"On it!" she yelled back. I soon felt the familiar feeling of my mothers mind shield engulf me.

"Bells!" I heard my father moan. "Sorry baby!" My mom replied. "Want to punish me for it?" My mother asked seductively. That's all I heard before the sound of air rushing passed as they raced up the stairs, to their bedroom I presumed.

"Your both disgusting." I yelled up to them in shock. They didn't even stop to reply.

"Ehh" I shuddered. I picked up my phone on my nightstand, which my parents must have returned to me at some point, and saw four missed calls on the screen. The first one was my stylist Alison reminding me of my hair appointment that I was suppose to have today. I made the appointment drunk at the beginning of the party a couple nights ago and planned on dying my hair beach blonde, which now that I was sober, didn't seem like that good of an idea. My orangish-brown hair was one of my favorite things about myself, and so was it to Jacob. Yeah, maybe I'll skip that. The next one was from Kelly, but she didn't leave a voicemail. Wow, she must really care about me. The third was my friend Maygen calling to ask if she can borrow my $400 Gucci and Gavana handbag for her shitty little date with this pothead named Deak. Yeah, no; I'm just not going to reply to that one. The final call was from Seth. He didn't leave a voicemail but he also sent me a text message.

"**Cliff Jumping tday at noon? Jakes gunna be there. Hint hint."** I laughed to myself. Even when Jacob left, Seth and I had stayed close, and actually gotten closer with Jacob gone. We were not best friends, and even though he didn't approve of my choices sometimes, he still loved my like a little sister, even though we were 'technically' the same age. Seth was the kind of best friend that you invite over the day after you do something really dumb that I regretted and doesn't mind watching pointless movies I chose randomly on Netflix just so I could cry my eyes out while he devours a case of ice cream, double chocolate chip of course.

"**Seriously love you. Haha(: I'll be there! Pick me up?"** I replied. Seth replied almost instantly.

"**Don't I always. See ya at 12 lil sis."**

"**See yah(:" **I replied. I looked over at the clock, noticing that it was now 7:30. Hmm, should I wait to take a shower later and pick out which bikini now, or vise-versa. My decision was made for me, however, when I heard the light rhythm of thumping from the room above me. I ran to the shower, turned the water on and quickly stripped, not wanting to hear my parents fucking each other. I got in the shower and let my mind run wild at the thought of spending the entire day with Jacob.


	6. Cliff Jumping

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't posted in a while! **Please review review review(:** It makes me happy and want to write more(: Thanks babes!

Also, check out my other fanficiton, "Perfect Chemistry."- s/8397114/1/Perfect-Chemistry

* * *

A total of four hours later I had taken a shower, completed my hair and makeup, changed, and started attaining information via the internet for my transfer to the Reservation. You used to only be allowed to go to the reservation if you were part of the Quileute tribe, but now that there is only a small amount left, they opened it up to all types of people. The schools website had a transfer document online that you could printout and the schools administration office number which my dad would have to contact. I wrote that down on a pink sticky note and set it on top of the transfer papers on the kitchen counter. Now I am currently waiting for Seth to get here.

When picking bathing suits it was a serious struggle to choose between my hot pink push up one from Victoria's Secret or my black Roxy one. I ended up picking the black one because it was super duper tiny and only covered the middle of my boob's and butt. I put jean short short's over top as well as a sheer, flowered, white tank top. I liked the tank top because it showed a little of my stomach and was flowey as well as comfortable.

After countless more minutes, which seemed like hours, I finally heard the sound of Seth's jeep pull up. His jeep was bright red and had no windows or doors on it at all. I had begged my dad for a hot pink one shortly after Seth got his but he refused because of the danger level. Now, I'm kind of glad I didn't get the Jeep; it's Seth's thing.

I jumped off my bed and ran out the door, grabbing my Vera Bradley Hipster side-bag before I left. I yelled a quick bye to my parents and then ran outside to Seth.

"Hey!" I said jumping into his car.

"Hey brat." He responded sarcastically. I playfully shoved him and stuck my tongue out at him. He laughed and did the same back to me.

"So how was hospital time?" He asked, moving the conversation to a more serious tone.

"Great. It was just the getaway I needed."

"Well are you ok?" He asked. I couldn't help but notice the concerned look on his face that he was trying so hard to hide. The only times we have ever fought were over things like this. I would do something stupid, he would say something about it and BAM; he yells, I yell, I shutdown.

"You know how I always lie and say yes?" I asked him quietly. He didn't respond, but I knew he understood. "I think this time I actually am." He smiled and finally moved his gaze to look at me. He stopped at a stop sign and grabbed my head, giving it a big kiss on the forehead.

"Ew, gross, cuties." I said holding up an x with my fingers, directed towards him. He laughed and continued driving. The rest of the drive was quick because time always passes really fast while singing along to your favorite songs! We arrived at the cliffs and quickly scrambled out, unable to contain our excitement. We hadn't been cliff jumping in so long.

"Jacob will be here in a minute. I think Leah and Josh are coming up too."

"Ugh Josh!" I complained.

"I know exactly how you feel." Seth agreed. Josh was Leah's boyfriend, if that's what you wanted to call him. He had the personality of a squid and the IQ of a kindergartener. He was a loser but we put up with him because he made Leah happy. Thank god she hadn't imprinted on him, though.

Right then, Jacob's black truck pulled up along with Josh's small Toyota with Leah and him inside. Damn, even his car was boring. Leah and Josh walked up and we all greeted. I exchanged a hug with Leah and an awkwardly waved to Josh. Leah and I had become pretty good friends. She was nice, smart and funny, but mostly the reason was because Seth and I were such good friends and they're siblings. Jacob got out of his car, ran up and gave me a bear hug, almost crushing me. I giggled and freely accepted it. He let go and gave Set one of those man hugs, and Leah and Josh a friendly wave.

"Ready to do this?" Jacob asked obviously excited.

"Yeah!" We all replied in unison, which caused us to all start laughing. Leah began stripping into her bathing suite and all the guys took their tops off. I took my shirt off and slid my pants off then threw them to Seth who was on the way to his car to put his clothes in. I turned back towards Jacob and he turned and looked at me for the first time since I took my clothes off. He gave me a not so subtle once over and dropped his mouth. When Seth got back a moment later he pulled himself together and averted his gaze. I suddenly felt self-conscious. He was staring at me because I looked good, right? But what if he didn't like what he saw and that was the reason for his expression! My mental panicking was cut short, however, when Leah and Josh started walking forward towards the top of the cliff. Seth followed right behind them, and then Jacob and me started together a moment later.

"So guess what!" I said, breaking the ice.

"What?"

"My dad's making me switch schools."

"And you sound excited about this why?"

"Guess where I convinced him to let me go!"

"You tell me."

"No guess guess guess!" I yelled excitedly, grabbing his arm and tugging at him while jumping up and down. He laughed and I laughed with him. Even though it had only been for a moment, I couldn't deny the feeling that touching Jacob's giant muscles gave me. Calm down Renesmee. God.

"Please just tell me!" He said, sticking out his lower lip and pouting.

I sighed, obviously giving in. "The Reservation."

"No way. Are you serious?" Jacob asked, stopping dead in his tracks.

"Yeah!" I screamed, jumping onto his back. He laughed and quickly grabbed my legs, giving me a piggyback ride the rest of the way up. Jacob had technically graduated from high school a while ago, but because the wolves didn't age, they usually go back. Since Jacob had been away for a while he could easily go back to the Reservation without anyone suspecting anything. It was the summer now, though, so we had a while before school would start again.

"This is going to be sick. You, me and Seth. senior year."

"I can't wait!" I responded, beating my hands on his chest a few times before he let me down. We had finally arrived at the top of the cliff.

"Finally you two decide to show up." Seth joked with us.

"Yeah, you guys can make out later." Leah piped in. I blushed and looked away, slightly embarrassed. Jacob chuckled and brushed the comments off, not missing a beat.

"Ready?" Jacob asked.

"So ready." I replied. I walked towards the edge of the cliff and looked down. I hadn't gone cliff jumping in a while, so I was suddenly reminded just how far the jump into the water was.

"Scared?" Jacob playfully mocked me.

"Yeah right." Seth said before I could answer. "She's an adrenaline junkie, haven't you heard?"

Jacob snorted. "We'll see about that." Jacob said, challenging me. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I accept that challenge." I replied, sticking my tongue out at him.

"We'll go first." Leah said, positioning her and Josh to go.

"Over my dead body." Seth replied, jumping in front of them. He flipped off the edge of the cliff towards the water. A moment later we heard the sound of his body entering the water with a big splash. He came up and screamed and we all laughed at him. Leah and Josh went next, Leah screeching the entire way down and Josh not saying a word, as always. Now it was Jacob and I's turn.

"Ready?" He asked, coming up and standing right beside me.

"Yeah" I replied excitedly. Not moving his gaze from mine he gently entwined his hand with mine. I couldn't help a smile from forming on my face. He gave a slight smile back. Before I understood what was happening he picked me up in his arms and ran off the cliff. I screamed because of the shock of the jump. I wasn't scared though. For some reason I felt completely safe jumping while in Jacobs arms. We hit the water sooner than I would have liked. Our bodies created a giant splash and I felt myself sink deep into the water. I didn't need to kick my feet up and swim to the surface because Jacob wrapped his hand around my arm and pulled me up. I emerged from the water with a big smile on my face. The adrenaline rushed through my body and I felt a surge of energy. It was hot outside so the water felt good on my skin. I moved towards Jacob, still smiling. Once I reached him in the water I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, holding on to him.

"Was that enough adrenaline for you?" He asked. His mouth was so close to mine, I could feel his breath. I just couldn't resist. In that moment, I gave into the feeling inside my heart that was burning more powerful than any fire. I knew right then that there was no turning back.

"No. I think I need some more." I quickly closed the space between us by crushing my lips onto his. He didn't move for a moment, shocked I presumed. Right away though, he gave into the kiss and kissed me back. My hand moved up his head, letting myself completely give into this moment. He tasted perfect; like the sweetest dessert. His smell overwhelmed me and I tried to push myself further into him, so that we were as close as possible. Jacob's right had was moving in a motion up and down my thigh while his left hand was set firmly on my back, keeping me pressed to him. At first our kiss was soft and sweet, but then it manifested into deep and lustful. I wanted him so bad, and from the way he was acting, he wanted me just as much. His tongue met mine and they danced for a moment before I allowed him entrance into my mouth. He explored, but never overwhelmed me. He broke away only to crush his lips to mine once again. He lips were soft and tasted like honey. He was so warm and beautiful and felt so good. I wanted him. I needed him. I had to have him. Our kiss was broken too soon, however, when he lightly pulled away. He gently grabbed the sides of my chin in between his hands and looked into my eyes. Jacob kissed me once more, lightly this time. The kiss lingered for a moment before we both pulled away. His hand was still running up and down my thigh and my legs were shaking slightly due to my uncontrollable hormones.

"Wow." I said in-between breaths. He chuckled and gave me one of his irresistible smiles. I smiled back at him because when he smiled it made me smile.

"I love you." I said, smiling. God why did I say that? That was too much too soon. I couldn't help it though! My brain wasn't cooperating with my mouth and nothing was working. Jacob was overwhelming me, but in a very, VERY good way. He smiled at me and stroked his thumb across my cheek once.

"I've always loved you." He said with the sweetest voice I've ever heard him use. He leaned in and kissed me once more. The kiss was passionate and intense, yet had a since of gentle calmness; like we were meant for this.

I loved Jacob Black so much it physically hurt me to be away from him. I know that now. The reason I rebelled, the reason for every shitty thing I've ever done is because I thought I'd lost him. In that moment, I was hole for the first time in a long time. I don't only want Jacob. I sincerely need him. He isn't only my best friend. He is the other half of me. It's funny how I haven't seen Jacob for years, yet it's as if not a second had passed. My every fear, hatred and nightmare doesn't matter anymore. Jacob is the best protection because with him I will always feel safe.

The kiss ended and we were brought back to the present when we heard a large splash next to us. We both turned our gaze to see Seth emerging form the water.

"That oughta get you're attention." Seth said to Jacob and I.

"Seth!" I said jokingly yelling at him. I broke away from Jacob and splashed water at him. He splashed water back, us both laughing.

"Come on!" Seth said, turning and swimming to shore. Jacob and I both followed. Once we got to the shore and Jacob and I got on land I looked up at him. He looked down at me and smiled. My world seemed perfect. He leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then ran towards where Seth was heading; the top of the cliff. I stood back for a few seconds just watching him as he walked ahead of me. He was irresistibly perfect. He had an abundance of muscles, but not too many, like those gross MMA fighters or whatever you call them. His dark, dark brown hair was a tiny bit longer in the front and done over and to the side. And that ass. Oh my god.. Jacob turned, noticing that I wasn't following behind him.

"You coming?" He asked, flashing me one of his million dollar smiles. I smiled back at him and shook my head, running so that I could get to him quickly.

* * *

After about another hour we were all pooped out and ready to go home. Leah and Josh left for his house, Seth left for Charlie's, and Jacob offered me a ride home. Before Seth left I made sure to give him an extra squeeze at the end of our hug to thank him for not offering to take me home. I know that he did that on purpose, so that Jacob and I could have some alone time. The car ride was mostly silent, but not the awkward type. It was more of a comfortable silence. I was extremely tired and fighting to keep my eyes open. About fifteen minutes later we showed up at my house. Jacob pulled into the driveway and cut the engine. We sat there for a moment in silence, enjoying it.

"You can come in if you want." I said quietly, looking at him through the corner of my eye.

"I would but I don't think I'm your dad's favorite person right now." He said jokingly.

"Oh." I said nodding. "Is he mad that you're back?"

"Not necessarily." He said hesitantly. I gave him a questioning look before he continued. "We kind of had a little um, argument at the hospital."

"Just a little argument?" I asked, knowing that wasn't necessarily true.

"Ok it was like WW3." He said, looking over at me. I laughed.

"WW3 hugh?" I asked him, smiling. He smiled back at me. For a while we just sat there looking at each other. In one swift moment Jacob moved his body so that he was right in front of me and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was beautiful and magical, making my heart rate rise. I put my hands on both sides of his face while I tasted him. His hands were on my waist, making my desire for him intensify. The kiss must have lasted for minutes, yet it was not nearly enough. He pulled away and looked deep into my eyes.

"I love you." He said, kissing me softly again.

"I love you." I replied, kissing him again. He pulled away farther and I couldn't help the smile that was threatening to engulf my face from forming on my lips. I bit down on my lower lip, though it didn't help subdue my smile. He smiled back and ran his thumb across my lower lip. I sighed and looked at the door, not wanting to leave but knowing I had to.

"Bye." I said to him before opening the door and stepping out.

"Bye Ness." Jacob said smiling. I shut the door and watched and waved as he drove away. It took me a minute to get out of my daze and make my feet walk me into the house. When I got inside I let my smile completely spread on my face. I put my finger to my lips, remembering the feeling of his lips on mine. I took a few steps back, feeling uneasy, until my back hit the door. I stayed there in my own little world. I probably looked like a freak, smiling off into the distance, but I couldn't help it. I was completely and utterly in love. I had been so distracted thinking about Jacob I hadn't noticed my mother standing in the doorway.

"Have fun?" She asked me. I nodded and let out a tiny laugh, never once loosing my smile. I got up, finally, and swiped right past her. I got into my room, not bothering to turn off the light and climbed into bed. I know it was stupid, but the smile stayed on my face as I laid there. I grabbed my pillow from under my head and put it over my mouth, letting a squeal of excitement erupt from my mouth. I moved the pillow so that it was under my head again and pulled the covers on top of me so that it was completely dark and I couldn't see the light of daytime. That's how I fell asleep. Looking like a complete fool, smiling myself into happy dreams. I just want this feeling to last forever. I always loved Jacob, but not in this way. When I was young Jacob was like a protective big brother, and then as I got older, he became my best friend. Now I can finally say that Jacob is not only my protector and best friend, but also my lover. I love him so much it physically hurts. The best way to describe it is like my heart aching in the best way possible. You can't stop smiling because there is nothing to be sad about. I let these thoughts fill my head as I drifted off into sleep. I was actually quite tired after a morning of cliff jumping. That was definitely one time cliff jumping that I will never forget. Ever.


	7. Author's Note

**Authors Note!**

Hey everyone! So good news and bad news!

GOOD!

Good news is that I'm going to start updating my other story, Perfect Chemistry, more frequently (every 2-3 weeks), because I feel bad about leaving you all hanging!

More good news! Perfect Chemistry **IS** a Renesmee and Jacob fanfiction! So everyone calm down and just wait! Haha!

BAD

I have been struggling to update two stories at a time, and often find the two stories (Lost Without You and Perfect Chemistry) mixing together. Due to the fact that I am so invested in Perfect Chemistry, and am going to be updating that one more frequently, I am going to temporarily stop writing this fanfiction.

Once I finish Perfect Chemistry, I will start this story, Lost Without You! No worries!

* * *

Thanks so much for understanding guys! You're all great! Now, I'll be able to update more frequently and completely divulge myself in Perfect Chemistry so that it can be amazing for you all!

**Keep reading and reviewing!**

Here is the link to Perfect Chemistry:

s/8397114/1/Perfect-Chemistry


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